


it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life

by doubletan



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Lives, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Canon, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:54:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubletan/pseuds/doubletan
Summary: Ash never knew that the touch of another person on his skin could be so tender.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 9
Kudos: 244





	it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life

**Author's Note:**

> just a note that the characterizations of eiji, ash and their interactions are more in line with the manga !

Eiji's face is set in that determined frown that Ash knows from experience that he would not give this up easily without a fight. "We don't have to do it."

Ash stares back at him steadily. "I know."

"It doesn't matter to me," Eiji presses on, nose scrunching up cutely and Ash pushes down the urge to laugh, "and I'm happy knowing that you-"

"I know Eiji," Ash smiles. "But I want to."

Eiji stares at him for a moment too long. "Okay," he finally says. "Okay."

He smiles at Ash. It's full of trust and warmth and Ash wonders how he could ever deserve this.

"Lead the way," Eiji says.

-

They're on the bed.

Ash's hand palms against Eiji's underwear, and he can feel Eiji shiver. He pulls down Eiji's boxers, takes his cock slowly in his hand.

Eiji looks at him with wide eyes, his body tense with nervousness. It's surreal sometimes to think of the difference between the two of them, the virgin and the experienced, the pure and the tainted, two people who were born an ocean apart and have lived entirely different lives have somehow found their way to each other.

He drags a hand down Eiji's cock and hears Eiji suck in a breath sharply. Ash looks up at Eiji in concern, but he only smiles at him reassuringly.

Only Eiji has always seen him for who he is underneath it all. It has become instinctive for him to conceal all his feelings away only to leave an impassive mask behind, for with how he has lived most of his life it would have meant certain death if they were seen. He has to constantly remind himself that that life is over, that the threat of death that hangs over him for as long as he can remember is gone now, in a country that does not know who he is and expects nothing of him. That he is _free_.

Eiji has always been able to see beneath the veneer to who he is below, allows him to be who he never got the chance to be.

Ash drops the facade. He swallows heavily, and his hands wrapped around Eiji's member starts to shake. He is nervous as well, but for an entirely different reason. He wants this, wants this so much with Eiji, but he doesn't want this moment with him and the entire span of his lifetime to be tormented by memories of a past that never seems to leave him.

But what helps is that Eiji's hands remain firmly on the bed. Rough hands do not come up to push his head down onto their cocks impatiently, there are no eyes dark with lust and a wanton desire to devour him whole. Eiji's eyes are warm and patient that tells him it's okay if he wants to stop anytime.

Ash's eyes flutter shut briefly, and when he opens them again his breathing is even. Eiji does not say anything, does not rush him, just continues to look at Ash like he means the entire world to him and it makes something in his chest squeeze tight.

And that is the thing about Eiji that somehow knows what Ash needed. Eiji has seen every part of his soul, but does not see the weakness in him. Eiji does not treat him like glass that might break, or like stone too unfeeling to be hurt. Eiji treats him in a way he never had, never knew he needed or wanted in any way until he has given it to him freely and expects nothing in return.

Ash rubs his thumb over the head of Eiji's cock and is rewarded by the shudder that runs through him. Emboldened, he drags his hands up and down, squeezes his balls gently, and Eiji lets out little breathy moans throughout that sends heat to Ash's groin.

Eiji blinks hazily at him, face flushed red and cock erect. The sight makes Ash's own cock twitch in his pants. Eiji asks, "Can I do it for you too?"

It sounds nothing but a plain request, no demand or expectation entailed in it. It takes Ash a moment to steady himself, and he answers truthfully. "Yeah," he says. His voice shakes more than he thought it would.

Slowly, Eiji drags the zipper on Ash's jeans down, takes Ash's cock in his hand. It is already hard, and Eiji brings a hand up and down it gently as if in admiration. It hurts, because he never knew the touch of another person can be so tender.

Ash shuffles closer to Eiji, their foreheads pressed against each other as their hands work in tandem to bring the other to pleasure.

Ash presses the blunt edge of his nail to the underside of Eiji's cock and Eiji throws his head back with a cry. Ash chuckles softly, and Eiji does a payback by thumbing into Ash's slit in such a way that makes him jerk up in ecstasy.

Eiji is grinning at him in triumph, eyes squinted shut from smiling so widely that Ash cannot help but press a kiss to Eiji's lips without thinking. Eiji stills for a moment, before he opens his mouth to allow entry or for Ash to pull back if he wants to.

He does not know how long it will take before the surreality of having a choice wears off of him. This time he chooses to pepper kisses along Eiji's cupid bow and then to find his way back into Eiji's mouth. Eiji responds with as much enthusiasm, their tongues entwining with each other.

Eiji lets out a whine into Ash's mouth, bucking his hips against him, hands forgotten on the bed (they never move to touch Ash). Ash runs his tongue over Eiji's lips, brings his hands up to cup his jaw, and then they are rocking against each other.

Memories flash in his mind, of so many other men's cocks against his, the arousal that flickers on their faces from the size difference against a vulnerable little boy. Ash stops moving, drops his head to Eiji's chest while his own chest heaves heavily.

He closes his eyes shut, and he feels Eiji still as well. He listens to the steady thrum of Eiji's heartbeat, breathes in his scent, lets the memories fade away. It's only Eiji. Eiji would not hurt him, has never hurt him.

"Can I touch you?" Eiji asks.

Ash nods, and arms come around him to hold him tight. It's warm and familiar, and the fist in his chest gradually loosens its grip on him.

He exhales heavily, feels the tenseness leave his body. Ash lifts his head up to kiss Eiji on the nose. "I'm good," he smiles.

He jerks his hips hard against Eiji's, smirking when Eiji's worried expression melts into a cry from it. "And horny, but unless this onii-chan is getting old we should carry on."

Before Eiji can retort back, Ash rubs his thumb over the heads of their cocks and presses their members flushed to each other.

"Ash," Eiji moans, leaning his head against Ash's shoulder. "You son of a bitch."

Ash laughs, and to his relief the tension in the room has melted all at once. He steadies his hands on Eiji's hips as he thrusts forward and soon enough Eiji is doing the same.

Ash shivers in pleasure, biting back a cry on his lips. He runs his hands down the muscled lines of Eiji's abdomen, feels the muscles tense under his fingers.

"Ash, Ash, _Ash_ ," Eiji moans, his eyes fluttering shut from the pleasure.

"Eiji," Ash groans. He feels lightheaded. Burning heat pools low in his belly.

"Ash, I'm going to-' Eiji shudders, and he is coming over the both of them. Ash follows suit, face buried in Eiji's chest as he jerks to completion.

They fall onto the bed, panting heavily into the silent air of their bedroom.

"That was nice." Eiji says after a while.

"Hmm," Ash leans on his side with his hand propped under his chin and pretends to think. He smirks at Eiji, "I'll rate it a five out of ten for onii-chan's first time."

"Only a passing grade?" Eiji mock pouts, but his eyes gleam with a challenge in them. "It'll be so good the next time you won't even remember your own name," he grins, "just you wait."

Hair sticks to Eiji's forehead with sweat, his lips are swollen red where Ash has kissed him and there are crinkles at the corners of his eyes as he smiles. Ash thinks he never looked more beautiful.

 _I love you,_ he wants to say, but everyone he loves has either been hurt or dead because of him.

So all he does is laugh, rubs his nose against Eiji's until Eiji is laughing as well. "We'll see about that," is all he says.

**Author's Note:**

> i am a fool to think that i have gotten over banana fish and ash's death even after one year of mourning. did you catch the somewhat pun/reference in the title? :D
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/tandoubletan) & [tumblr](http://doubletan.tumblr.com/)


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